Gravedancing or Maximizing Opportunity?

We patriotic Americans take a lot of gas for jumping on every dead American to see how we can twist the circumstances to our political advantage.  What the pantywaist crowd doesn't understand is that waiting for facts to come out is for losers.  We make up our own facts.  It's not enough that Captain Phillips was kidnapped; we skip straight to the assuming he's already dead. (Hi, Dad!)  Ambassador Stevens was killed, which was great--uh, I mean tragic, but that isn't enough.  He has to have been butt-fucked by mobs of greasy A-rabs.  So we just say he was and defy you to prove that he wasn't, and deny the video proof when you do provide it.  Just getting the mental image out there is a victory for the forces of Right-eousness.  We slur Obama, gays, and Muslims all at the same time!  It's a three-fer!  Look, if defiling the memory of brave Americans is what it takes to defeat President Poopy-Pants and install our (regrettably heretic, but you can't have everything) friend of the people (well, the incorporated ones, anyway) Mitt Romney in the White House, that's what Jesus would want.  And if he doesn't, it's what Jesus should want.

Gravedancing?  Maybe.  But it's a victory dance, wimps, and we'll do it every time.